FC Planlos '05 Karlsruhe » Gladiolen oder auf’s Maul: FCP FIFA-Turnier 2013

Ettlingen – Die Intelligenz eines Menschen bemisst sich an den Fragen die er stellt. Oder an der Art und Weise, wie er sie stellt. Mit vorgeschobener Unterlippe, auf Angriff ausgerichteten Augenbrauen, tellergroßen Pupillen und einem pressluftgetriebenen Stimmbänder-Stakkato pöbelte Robert B. über das Regelwerk des Ereignisses und bewies damit zweierlei: dass er sich besser nie fortpflanzen sollte, aber vor allem, welcher Bedeutung dem FIFA-Turnier von allen Seiten beigemessen wurde.

Das Schwerste war geschafft, als mit dreistündiger Verspätung alle Anwesenden auf die Rahmenbedingungen des Turniers eingestimmt worden waren. Die Diskussion über Mannschafts-, Regel-, Spielfeld-, Wetter- und Moduswahl hätte jeden noch so philanthropischen Griechen am Sinn der Demokratie zweifeln lassen. Schließlich wurde sich aufgrund der unrunden Teilnehmerzahl auf ein Playoff-Modus mit Winner- und Loser-Braket geeinigt, wobei einige Akteure bis zum Schluss von Verschwörungen und Verbrechen an der Menschheit sprachen. Mit großer Freude hieß man die Söhne der Familie Tunggul im Hause Riatti willkommen. Deshalb einigte man sich aus Gründen des internationalen Fairplays darauf, ausschließlich auf Bildschirmen mit einer Auflösung von 16:9 zu spielen. Davon zeigte sich – wenig überraschend – auch Marco Liatti begeistert.

Überraschend früh musste sich der ambitionierte Robert B. – Titelverteidiger und wegen seines geheimen Trainings Favorit – geschlagen geben, der die Zulosung seines Teams von Zenit St. Petersburg als politischen Aggressionsakt interpretierte und beschloss, wahllos auf Unschuldige einzuschlagen. Ebenfalls überraschte Marco R. der sich bis in das Halbfinale des Loser-Brakets kämpfte ohne auch nur ein Tor im laufenden Spiel zu schießen.

Im Finale begegneten sich Sascha B. und Christopher T., führten den FC Bayern München und AC Florenz auf das Feld. Sascha B. war durch das Winner-Braket ins Finale gelangt und hatte deshalb laut Regelwerk eine doppelte Chance auf den Turniersieg. Tatsächlich zwang ihn Christopher T. mit einem ersten Sieg in das alles entscheidende Endspiel. Dort musste sich der AC Florenz allerdings gegen Saschas überlegene Bayern geschlagen geben.

Der blonde Titan hat damit die zweite individuelle Trophäe nach seiner Auszeichnung zum Weltbesten Ettlinger-Hobby-WM-Torhüters in Empfang nehmen können. Der Verein gratuliert und dankt allen Teilnehmern, die pünktlich und ohne Pöbelei zu einem schönen Turnier beigetragen haben. Also den Riattis und Sascha B. Alle anderen müssen im kommenden Jahr mit einer Vereinszulosung aus der vierten türkischen Liga rechnen.

Das war Greg Brudette, FCPN, irgendwo in Norddeutschland.


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